(no subject)

So, I have officially given up roleplay. I prayed to Jehovah for strength, and I had the courage to do it. I'm worried about being bored and such to be honest. I don't really have a whole lot of friends or people I talk to or have a lot of other online activities. I'll take up crochetting during a month I can afford a beginner's book and supplies. Might also try learning to draw again, been years since I've really tried. Once I lose about two hundred and fifty pounds, I'd like to learn guitar. Once I stop smoking, I want voice lessons. I'm actually not that bad of singer when I'm not smoking and I figure I actually have potential to sound good. I don't want to be famous or anything. It'd just be nice to sound good, and have a hobby. I could do reenditions for songs as entertainment for witnesses.

I'm addicted to Miley Cyrus' song Malibu. Just a couple word changes and it reminds of me Jehovah and Paradise. I'd love to sing and play that song, with the changes. I am growing spiritually, which is why I had to give up the roleplay. There's no clean way to do it with Jehovah's blessing or standards. I have to abstain, no matter how bored I get. I have lots of reading material to go through and I have a whole bible to learn. Plus music to find that's clean. Movies to find that are clean. Probably gonna get classic films and a dvd player.

It's time, ya know? I've been indecisive and there's a scripture in the bible that I'm pretty sure says: Cleanse your hearts you indescive ones. I have always thought of that scripture and myself. It's fitting. I've never been very good at making decisions. I have faith with Jehovah, it'll get easier with time. I hope to get baptised in the next year/two years. After my sleeve, should be a good time.

Yes, getting the sleeve. Have to go through a regimine with insurance. The doctor and the bariatric clinic. I've been doing so much better. Been really active, sometimes I don't feel as hungry and don't eat as much but today I had way too much to eat. I'm getting better. I've been helping mom with housework, definitely not as depressed. I get up in the mornings, drink coffee and try to study. I promise myself, tomorrow I'm going to eat a small breakfast, have a sandwich for lunch and then fried mushrooms for dinner. I know, bad for me but I love fried mushrooms. My favorite thing.

I've been exercising a little too, trying to get more in but it's painful and irritating. I have to make it routine. In time, it'll feel a lot better and so will I. I canceled my appointment this morning with the doctor but here's to hoping, next month I lose a enough weight and get my knee x-ray. I also have an appointment with a dietician on the 28th of this month. That will be fun. lol Hopefully she can help me. I'd like to lose at least 20-25 lbs by next month. I'm like 547 right now. Might have lost a couple lbs so far. So, we'll see.

I just feel better about life and everything in it. It's taken me a long time to get here. I don't want anything stop me and I'll make sure nothing does. Jehovah is my strength, my strong tower. I want to have faith in that and I will have faith in it.

I also discovered the band Hurts, I'm not sure if they're okay to listen to though. Questionable videos but some heavy christian themes. I heard they're antichristian, so I don't know. Pretty songs though. idk. Anyway, I should end this here. I'll update with progress later. Have a little faith in me~