Draw close to God and he will draw close to you

I'm trying to fight to stay out of a rest home now. I need help otherwise.

I wish my mom would stop hurting me and tell me the truth.

Eric's been in my brain, forcing me to write crazy stuff in hope I'm instiltulionzaed.

I feel ....horrorid. I need sleep. Night.

January 20 - Describe the place you keep your computer as if you were setting a scene in a novel

There was her desk. Dark brown and peeling. It had been through a lot over the years; cigarette butts, ashes, there was now even a crack with just one wrong move might snap it in half but it was beloved and it served it's purpose still. Along the top right corner were standard amazon speakers, that proved to provide good and solid sound. No booming system base but it wasn't what the owner needed. It produced the symphony of music provided by Jehovah's Organization called 'Light in the darkness.'

There was the deep purple mouse, not really more than three months old. The red one she had before the blue one, lasted seven years, and the blue lasted all of two years. Hopefully, the purple one held out. Now there was the computer itself, the laptop infact; it was barely three years old and still chugging strong. Black, simple and the keys on the board were starting to come off. The laptop was aided to stand on a tilted black metal helper, once a cooling fan for the previous computer that hadn't lasted very long but now served to keep the newer laptop from overheating. There is also a tangerine colored lighter but the owner hopes soon that it won't light death sticks but instead candles only.

And with that, the owner clicks and clacks her fingers across the keyboard, on toward the other questions. She tried her best to give you a novel and did terribly so. Forgive her!

January 21 - Are you naturally messy or organized?
Honestly, I'm not really sure. I think a lot of my mess comes from being overweight and hurting so much from being overweight. If I were thinner, I'd clean a heck of a lot more. So, I'm messy but it isn't natural by a long shot. We'll see.


January 22 - Do you have any siblings? Tell us about them.

Well, where do we start?

There's Pookie - When we were younger, we had a very bad siblings rivalry. Honestly, I was jealous of her because she was mom's favorite. And she made fun of me a lot for being fat. She was honestly a real meaniehead and still is but she's mellowed out a little. We have a lot in common these days and get along really well. How to describe her... well I'd psychoanalyze what I truly know about her but we'll just go with how she shows her outward appearance: headstrong, smartaleck, raunchy, fun and cares.

Then we have my first brother Robert - He's my mom's child. He's goofy as heck, very long, particular about his hygiene and keeping a clean home. He's expecting his first child in as little as a month. We were close growing up. He was my baby, always was. He called me mommy first instead of my mom and I felt so bad, I stopped caring for him and carrying him around so mom could bond with him. She was sick a lot in the crucial stages of his infancy.

Di'Andre - He's always been the level headed, strong minded young man. He's managed to get his life together and make something of himself. He's very intelligent, really cares about others. He's expecting his first child a little later this year. We were close when we were younger, he's still one of my favorites and I'm proud of him.

Jacob - You know, I have no clue how to describe Jacob. We've never been really close in all fairness. I think living with his father really took a toll on him, and it made him a bit selfish and kinda like my sister but truth is, he is a good dude. He just had his first child and from what I can tell and what I've been told, he's an excellent father. He plans to get married soon and I'm proud of him too for stepping up and becoming a man in a very honest and genuine way.

Statie - This is boopy doopy! She's closer to Pookie, but I've honestly never been jealous of their relationship. I love the boopy doopy very much. She's funny, loud mouthed, cares a lot about others and a complete beauty queen. She's expecting her first child in August. I'm hoping to be there for her for as often as possible. I really want to be a part of her child's life and offer babysitting when I can. Gonna be so weird having so many babies around!

Noah - He's autistic. Loves to eat, loves music, very playful and does show his love by hitting. And he does express his anger or overwhelmed feelings in the same way. He's a sweetheart, and he understands a lot more than people think. Currently he's at a camp for troubled kids, and he's doing well there. His mother misses him and honestly I do too. Admittedly I'm afraid of being hit by him and that makes me feel guilty. I know, I'm terrible.


Robert Yetts - This is my brother from the dad I never really knew side. He's a very level headed, got his stuff together kinda guy. He's a sweetheart and a hard worker. We talk sometimes and we hung out a lot once upon a time. I'd like to visit him again, get to know him better.

Others - I have so many brothers and sisters, it'd redic. I don't know them. They're all on my bio dad's side.


January 23 - What is your favorite book? - Hm......there's lots of books I have enjoyed in my life but I have to say The Way, The Truth and the Life by the Watchtower Tract Society is wonderful. It's all about Jesus' life, the message, the mission and the end result of his preaching work and why he came to Earth. It's a wonderful and enlightening book. As is imitate their faith. I'm currently reading both and learning a lot. If you want an accurate knowledge of bible teachings, then get in contact with your local Kingdom Hall and ask for literature. I promise, it's worth it.

January 24 - What is your favorite movie? - One movie I am always going to love is The Little Mermaid. I want to buy the DVD but it's like in the 30's range on amazon all the time. That's expensive as heck for a movie.

January 25 - What is your favorite TV show? - I watch a lot of old sitcoms with my mom, like Golden Girls. Fraiser. The Wayne's Brothers. Roseanne. Three's Company. Mike and Molly. Queen of Kings. Then we have Diners, Drive Inn's and Dive's. Something about Guy Fieri is awesome and seeing all the restaurants is super cool. Then there's my 600 lb life which continues to inspire me to lose weight and never get to those points. My new favorite show is Family by the Ton. I'm really rooting for them all, especially the two bigger. Chitoka and I forget the guy's name but they're super big and really need weight loss surgery before it's too late. I feel their pain, I really do.

( Read more... )

Meme by zhelena Doing Yesterday's and today's before I forget.

January 8 - Do you listen to audiobooks or podcasts, or just music?
No on podcasts and audiobooks. I prefer physical things my eyes can see. As for music, I always listen to it and I love it.

January 9 - What would you / did you name your daughter/s?
Definitely Ariel or Agatha. I love both names. Ariel is obvious, because I love the little mermaid but Agatha came from a dream I had when I was 17-18. I was babysitting a bunch of kids, like a nanny or they might have been mine. One was a little baddy, and wouldn't listen but the eleven year old was a girl and she was always helping me. Her name was Agatha and she was my favorite out of all the kids. For some reason it reminded me of my ex. The way she was built and tall and skinny, but had chin length brown hair and big eyes. She was beautiful. So,to be honest, I'll probably name my first daughter Agatha. I didn't even know the name existed until that dream. Weirdest thing.

And I'm just using that icon, because the relationship between Eric and Mr. Feeny is life. I feel like watching some Boy meets World.

( also stole a questionnare from her )

So, my Aunt is here. I always feel like she belongs with us and this time is no different. She needs to move up here asap. I think by me losing weight, getting my license and getting a van she'll feel more comfortable being up here. Heck, I'll just take her and the kids for rides just because. Long as I have gas.

I walked tonight, legs hurt but I'll be okay. Thinking of adding an extra ten seconds to my two minutes or upping it to six times a day. I think I need ten seconds. I'm not getting winded as much anymore.

Donna has this perfume called play it sexy by Playboy and it smells so freaking good. I went on amazon and looked it up. I was expecting like 70-100 bucks but nope, 10.19. MINEMINEMINE. lol I wanted a bottle of Happy by Clinique but I want this stuff instead. I've been taking care of myself more but I've barely bathed in a week. I'm still having a hard time with things. I plan on getting up in the morning and jumping straight in the shower after a coffee and some light bible studying I need to contact my bible teacher and tell her I want to study today. I missed the last three times. Badmmkay.

Well, I haven't given up but the voices were so bad the other night that I broke down and smoked. It would be so much easier if my mom would quit too, to be honest. I don't plan on smoking forever, that's for sure.

Anyway, i know it'll sound like delusions but the voices are I don't even know. They want me to want someone I haven't even spoken to since I was seventeen. I had like a huge crush on him when I was a kid, for like years. I'd get into the story but it's stupid. Then I was sleep deprived at my doctor's appointment the other day and the driving passenger with my medical transport didn't look at all familiar to me because I didn't really get a good look at him. Then he came in to get me and all I honestly thought was that he looked like my little cousin Seth. Then the voices kept talking and I realized it might have been the guy from my childhood. I'd go into details but again, delusions. He just did some stuff that was weird when he came in and it just left me thinking he was looking at me like does he have the right person he's supposed to come in and get.

Basically, delusions are bad mmkay and I'm not about to go psycho stalker lady on someone who probably doesn't even think of me. lmbo

Anyway, about to smell sexy in a few days lol I'm just in a good mood! Also the friend that's living with us washed my big black comforter. I love it so much and I missed it. Gonna be cuddled up with a bunch of blankets tonight. Gonna be so happy. Whoo hoo!

Night everyone.