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Jan. 30th, 2017 04:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
waxboxMy mom went back home for my Uncle's funeral. He had a long, suffering, terrible death. Poor man fought until the end of his last breath. Maybe if someone had told him to let go, he would have went sooner. I didn't get to see him, which bums me out a lot. Wish I could go to his funeral but I'm too big to fit in people's cars. WEll no, I can fit in cars fine, but I could 'hurt' their cars to be honest. Too much weight, weighing it down.
I'm getting more motivated and eating a lot less. I'm gonna walk in a little bit after this post. Hoping to build up enough strength in the following months to walk outside in the mornings. I also need dress clothes to get to the kingdom hall. Gotta have my doctor sign like three forms in order to get medical rides and rides to non-medical places. i think I gotta pay three dollars everytime I do non-medical places. Which is fine, I can put back six dollars a month in order to go twice a month to the hall. I would love that.
Alma finally e-mailed me back. I was happy to hear from her. I want her to add me on facebook so we can talk sometimes. I miss her and our friendship. She befriended me sincerely when no one else would. I appreciate her.
I'm not as lonely last time. The voices are actually being nice for once, so it's cool. Last time they nearly drove me nuts. Had me crying and everything. Tomorrow I have to cancel my appointment with Dr. Salama and just have her call in my shot for the 8th. I don't feel right leaving the house with my mom not being here. Feels wrong. And when I'm paranoid like that, it's better I listen to my instincts.
So, I'm about to make the journey into getting the gastric sleeve. It means a year of losing weight and learning discipline. I have to go through a plan with my primary care physician first and then go through the program at OSU too after that. Then they'll give it to me. Here's to hoping I can lose about 250 in order to get approved. It should be easy, considering my weight to be honest. Whenever you're as big as I am, it's always possible. I just need to get my foot in the door by being diligent and successful, keeping motivated. I think once I really get my momentum going, I won't stop. I was angry at first because I wanted to get it sooner.
Jehovah is my encouragement. He knows what I need to do and i know what I need to do. I also have this image of wearing a white dress by the sea and spending all day in the sand by the ocean, soaking in the fact that Jehovah created it and just watching the waves crash. Maybe I'll read some poetry and go for a swim after I enjoy myself that way. It's a goal after I lose all my weight. Mom suggested a road trip. I'd also love to go to an amusement park. I want to ride a roller coaster again. I used to love them as a kid. I might freak out though, been so long lmao
My Step-mom visited today/yesterday. it was a good visit, she did her taxes while she was here. Her presence was comforting. We didn't really talk since she was focused. I really want to add an old family friend on facebook. I'm too paranoid to do so though and the voices don't help with that. She's a lovely woman, used to tell me stories all the time and called me an old soul. Funny how much I've changed since then. I'm no longer goth and what not and I'm 30 and full of life to be honest. Well not exactly yet but I act like I'm still a kid sometimes. I'm still wise though, have great instincts and what not but I'm just more bubbly. I'm sure she's remained the same.
I'll add her when I feel comfortable. I'd like to know how she's doing.
Anyway, this has been an update. I'll update again soon.
I'm getting more motivated and eating a lot less. I'm gonna walk in a little bit after this post. Hoping to build up enough strength in the following months to walk outside in the mornings. I also need dress clothes to get to the kingdom hall. Gotta have my doctor sign like three forms in order to get medical rides and rides to non-medical places. i think I gotta pay three dollars everytime I do non-medical places. Which is fine, I can put back six dollars a month in order to go twice a month to the hall. I would love that.
Alma finally e-mailed me back. I was happy to hear from her. I want her to add me on facebook so we can talk sometimes. I miss her and our friendship. She befriended me sincerely when no one else would. I appreciate her.
I'm not as lonely last time. The voices are actually being nice for once, so it's cool. Last time they nearly drove me nuts. Had me crying and everything. Tomorrow I have to cancel my appointment with Dr. Salama and just have her call in my shot for the 8th. I don't feel right leaving the house with my mom not being here. Feels wrong. And when I'm paranoid like that, it's better I listen to my instincts.
So, I'm about to make the journey into getting the gastric sleeve. It means a year of losing weight and learning discipline. I have to go through a plan with my primary care physician first and then go through the program at OSU too after that. Then they'll give it to me. Here's to hoping I can lose about 250 in order to get approved. It should be easy, considering my weight to be honest. Whenever you're as big as I am, it's always possible. I just need to get my foot in the door by being diligent and successful, keeping motivated. I think once I really get my momentum going, I won't stop. I was angry at first because I wanted to get it sooner.
Jehovah is my encouragement. He knows what I need to do and i know what I need to do. I also have this image of wearing a white dress by the sea and spending all day in the sand by the ocean, soaking in the fact that Jehovah created it and just watching the waves crash. Maybe I'll read some poetry and go for a swim after I enjoy myself that way. It's a goal after I lose all my weight. Mom suggested a road trip. I'd also love to go to an amusement park. I want to ride a roller coaster again. I used to love them as a kid. I might freak out though, been so long lmao
My Step-mom visited today/yesterday. it was a good visit, she did her taxes while she was here. Her presence was comforting. We didn't really talk since she was focused. I really want to add an old family friend on facebook. I'm too paranoid to do so though and the voices don't help with that. She's a lovely woman, used to tell me stories all the time and called me an old soul. Funny how much I've changed since then. I'm no longer goth and what not and I'm 30 and full of life to be honest. Well not exactly yet but I act like I'm still a kid sometimes. I'm still wise though, have great instincts and what not but I'm just more bubbly. I'm sure she's remained the same.
I'll add her when I feel comfortable. I'd like to know how she's doing.
Anyway, this has been an update. I'll update again soon.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-08 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-03 02:08 am (UTC)What is your plan for weight loss? Will you focus more on walking/running/cardio? I've found that what helped me lose weight was actually lifting heavy weights, but if you're going to do that, you have to start reeeaaallly slow so as not to over exert yourself or even hurt yourself. But, weight training seems to be very effective in weight loss progress.